You may have read this in your own newspaper or online news source this morning.
After a global meeting of the leading ALS scientists, a press release has been issued with the following key points.
ALS is caused by excessive exposure to the 1970s as a child. This includes, but is not limited to, spending time in British Leyland cars such as Morris Marinas and Austin Allegros. The wearing of flared trousers is also seen as a major contributory factor. Listening to the Bay City Rollers has been identified as highly detrimental.
The very positive news in today’s press release is that scientists have also identified a cure. However, frustratingly, the cure may remain out of reach for most normal people.
In a similar way to how vaccines work, the only cure is to have a dose of the original cause. This means that you have to live for one decade back in the 1970s. It means you have to drive Austin Maxis, eat almost all your food from a tin, and revert to unthinkable fashion styles. It also means the abandonment of today’s luxuries, such as mobile devices and caramel lattes.