My Blog

Funeral Services II

Press Release, Annual Results of Junction 23A Funeral Holdings, Donington Park, August 20th, 2023.
Chairman and Managing Director’s 5 Year Review

Thanks to my strategic vision and hard work, I am pleased to announce that the 2022/23 turnover of Junction 23A Funeral Holdings was £2.53 billion, with profits after tax and bribery payments, fines and the Disappearance Fee of £12 million related to my major competitor based in Belgium, of £142 million.… Click here to read on...

1978-85

One of my carers, nine years my junior, was telling me how cool and diverse music and fashion was back in her teenage years, and how everyone likes the same, commercial rubbish now. I wonder if every mini-generation has felt the same.

 

Listen folks, I am going to argue that the seven years I was at big school was the most remarkable time for youth culture, ever, specifically the diversity of it.… Click here to read on...

Empire

‘We British have always made the best of any situation. That’s why we still have fun at a garden party in midsummer, when it’s cold and wet’, said Sir Barry Thiclkleby-Fiennes, Prime Minister, as he explained the post-Brexit travel arrangements, agreed with the leaders of the European Union.

Effective July 1st, 2020, British passport holders will only be able to spend six consecutive days, once, within a twelve month period in the European Union, for whatever purpose.… Click here to read on...

Summer Loving

‘The food’s crap, they don’t have proper summers’. Now, hold on Johnny Foreigner. Constant whining, ‘Our food is fresh, tomatoes taste like tomatoes, my mum roasts a pig for twelve hours. Our wine is the best in the world. We have week long peasant festivals in every village, which end up in free for all orgies.… Click here to read on...

Stockpiling for Brexit

With the likelihood of a ‘no-deal’ Brexit increasing, global pharmaceutical companies, Novartis and Sanofi, and plane maker, Airbus, have followed the lead of Kings Langley MND patient, Andrew Knowlman, by building UK inventory, as you can read here .

Knowlman commented, ‘I rely on Ensure PEG feeds, syringes, pee bags, various medication, low-foam toothpaste, adult diapers and Gin & Tonic for visitors.… Click here to read on...

The Great Hertfordshire Desert

Fifty days without precipitation and with temperatures exceeding 25 degrees have dramatically changed the way of life for southwest Hertfordshire residents. The Chipperfield erg now covers what used to be woods and common.

‘The sandstorms are devastating’, explained former local resident, Steve Rose. ‘Our only possessions now are the bedouin tent and three goats.’ We walk five miles per day to collect water from the Kings Langley oasis, where a few date palms surround the well.… Click here to read on...