Summer Loving

‘The food’s crap, they don’t have proper summers’. Now, hold on Johnny Foreigner. Constant whining, ‘Our food is fresh, tomatoes taste like tomatoes, my mum roasts a pig for twelve hours. Our wine is the best in the world. We have week long peasant festivals in every village, which end up in free for all orgies. You can buy a bottle of vodka for ten Lev. And, we have proper summers, with sun and heat’.


‘I don’t know about you’, said Kings Langley resident, Andrew Knowlman, ‘but I’ve had it up to here with their whingeing. Italians, Poles, Romanians. The worst are Aussies, who can’t believe it’s possible to live with the British weather. Well, we’ve had six months of constant sunshine and it’s been in the eighties every day. I’ve had to listen to people complain that their two weeks in Slovenia or Sofia was wet and cold. Well, that will teach you. Book two weeks at Rhyl next summer, on the gorgeous North Wales coast.’

Bill Giles, a leading weather forecaster, said that, on balance, the nice Eastern Europeans would generally enjoy warmer summers in their home country.

Andrew Knowlman responded by saying, ‘that is the talk typical of people who voted Remain, in the European Union referendum. They don’t believe in Britain. We’ve had the best summer in fifty years, because we took control of our weather. Our football team did better in the World Cup since 1966, when we were also outside the European Union, except 1990’.

PS – thanks to my carers and nurses from all over the world. Enjoy your break and the fantastic culture, food and family back home.

Author: Andrew Knowlman

I am a 50-year old father of two children, married to Jane. I live in Hertfordshire, UK. I was diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis in April 2015.

One thought on “Summer Loving”

  1. Another great read Andrew. Yes it doesn’t matter what season it is we want it warmer in winter and cooler in Summer. I would like Spring all year. Stay ? cool

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